If “locker room talk” is an excuse for bragging about sexually assaulting women, then locker rooms need to be converted into prisons where men like Donald Trump are behind bars where they belong. I don’t typically take time to speak out about politics but this has moved from the political to the deeply personal and I cannot be silent in the wake of such abuse of my gender. As women, we are exhausted from being treated like we are objects to be taken from by men in our most fundamental, beautiful, precious sexuality. It belongs to US and we cannot let YOU take it from us any longer.

I was sexually abused as a child, sexually assaulted by a security guard at the department store I worked in at 16, date raped at 17, and have had to ward off lewd advances made on me for much of my adult life, including the insulting idea that you’re entitled to have sex with me by the third date. I have also worked as a therapist to the broken many who were similarly abused as children, raped or assaulted as adults. I want everyone to know that taking from another person in a sexual way without their consent is a soul shattering experience. When you do, you reduce them to nothing more than an object that brings the victim down to utter worthlessness and shame.

I have been allowed into the psyches of these women and men who were sexually violated and what I have consistently found there is a depth of despair you cannot possibly imagine. There is a collision of emotions from the density of guilt, shame, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, and a deep sense of unworthiness. Each one of them questions what they did to provoke the assault to their innocence and precious sexuality. This question is fruitless because they are not responsible for the actions of the one who assaulted or abused them. The problem is that the victim always takes responsibility for the violation in some way.

The even deeper problem is the culture at large supports this blame the victim thought process with the sick line of questioning in rape and sexual assault cases that includes queries like; “What were you wearing?” and “Had you been drinking alcohol or taking any drugs?” This mentality of blame the victim takes the responsibility off of the perpetrator and leaves the victim shattered, unprotected, and feeling as unsafe as the moment they were violated. We have to stop this. If you sexually violate anyone, it is your responsibility. Period.

Today, access to pornography, images of sexual violence, date rape drugs, strip clubs, prostitutes, apps for casual sex, and group sexual encounters are more available than ever before. The statistics show that the up to 95% of sex workers were sexually abused as children. They go into that line of work from the belief that they are worthless and only deserve to be treated as sexual objects.

Their broken psyches drive them to continue being abused and to abuse sex. The men that traffick these strippers, prostitutes, and objects of pornographic images keep them in a psychological state of subjugation, fear, worthlessness, and slavery, often kidnapping troubled teenaged girls from playgrounds using gifts, attentions, and professions of their undying love for them as a way to lure them into a life of sexual usury for their financial gain. So men, think about that the next time you purchase sex, pornography, or walk into a strip club.

You read the cover of any women’s magazine and there are articles on how to sexually please your man and keep him from straying while the covers of men’s magazines occupy business, hobbies, how to dress for success and conquer the world. It is as if, as women, we are being told that we are single handedly responsible for the sexual satisfaction of our men and they can go off and do whatever they want, including grabbing our genitals without consent if they so choose. These messages are everywhere and it is up to us to collectively come together to turn this world around. We are better than this and we all know at a deep level that this treatment is wrong.

Authentic sexual expression is important. Choosing what is right for you is part of your own journey through sexuality. I don’t believe we all have to perceive sex in exactly the same way. I do however want to see an end to objectification and a move towards admiration. Feel into those two words and see how different they are. I know the difference and so do the men who have either objectified or admired me. As women, we can feel it.

I want to see a deep respect for women. I want us to learn to protect the victims of sexual assault and abuse while being sensitive to their shattered psyches. The work of putting that back together is precarious at best. It can take a lifetime and many lose their battle to suicide, drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity, self-mutilation, sex trafficking, multiple personalities, or shutting out love when it comes in attempt to numb the excruciating pain of feeling that worthless.

There seems to be a force at work these days that is bringing out the secrets, lies, and hidden worlds of men around the globe. The more that femininity is repressed, the more this force works to shed light on the darkness of ages of a patriarchal world gone mad. Your secrets can’t be hidden anymore. It is best to go to your women and tell them what you are hiding so you can learn to be a better man through an honest sharing and desire to evolve and grow with this powerful feminine force. What you don’t share will come out, just like it did with Donald Trump and one way or another, you will be held accountable.

It is time to take responsibility and grow together. This feminine power is not meant to take over and emasculate men, it is meant to bring us together and to heal the wounds of keeping women in the one down position for thousands of years. It is for our growth as a species, for the reverence of our mother Earth, your mothers, your grandmothers, your sisters, your aunts, your daughters, and your significant others.

Men, we look to you to protect us. As women, we desire your admiration and want you to cherish, care for, revere, respect and love us. I know some of the most amazing men who would never feel entitled to take sexually from any woman. These men are loyal, faithful, and fiercely protective of their women and children. To you wonderful men, thank you for being real, strong, valiant, trustworthy men. You are my heroes and I urge you to assist your fellow men in rising up to the standards you uphold in your lives.

I believe you can call your friends out of the shadows and hold them accountable for the way they speak about women and ask them to be better men. We are all in this together. We can change this world one conversation at a time, in the locker room, and everywhere else they happen.

Dr. Meg Haworth is a Wellness Coach and Celebrity Chef who helps people Get Well Now with food and the power of the mind and heart. She is the author of five books in cooking and self-help, speaker, teacher of spiritual development, and holds a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology. For more information, go to www.meghaworth.com