This summer was brutal. My heart was broken when the trust was in a relationship that I thought would be my last. Mourning the loss of what seemed to be a profound love is a grieving process. The hardest part is knowing it will never blossom into what I thought we were building. Hopes and dreams for the future are broken alongside the heart and I’m left alone to put the pieces back together again. It’s a process that takes time.

Through tears and fitful nights of poor sleep, I have been slowly reclaiming myself by creating a number of ways to come to wholeness again. I know this will take time, patience, dedication and a ton of love. These things always do.

We all go through heartbreak. It comes to us in so many different ways, from the diagnosis of a serious illness, the death of someone close, a betrayal from an intimate partner, an addicted loved one, an angry and resentful child, or a serious accident . . . there are thousands of ways a heart can break. Whatever your heartbreak may be, here are ten ways you can help to heal your broken heart.

Let yourself grieve.

This is probably the most important of all things you can do for yourself. Cry when you need to, talk it through, let the emotions rise and be released. Grief is a mysterious thing. You never know when it is going to hit but it is critical to let the waves of grief wash over you. If you stuff the pain away, it will always find a way out and when it does, it is bound to hurt others around you.

Don’t hurt yourself or others with your pain.

When in emotional pain, the tendency is to escape it through some sort of numbing mechanism; alcohol, drugs, sex, television, getting into another relationship, junk food, porn, or other go to pain avoidance schemes you may have. The worst thing you can do is use another human being to cover up the pain you’re experiencing. It creates the potential for more heartbreak, particularly for the other person. Using people never ends well. Practice the golden rule and do to others as you would have them do to you. In other words, be kind to yourself and others. Eat some ice cream and watch sitcoms but don’t drag more hearts into the mix.

Take your energy back.

When someone betrays you, at some point you’re going to get angry at them for smashing your hopes and dreams for your life and being careless with your precious heart. This exercise has been particularly profound for me. It’s a visualization in which I picture the energy I sent to him in anger, sorrow, disbelief, and disappointment, coming back to my body. For instance, I lost confidence in myself through this heartbreak so I envision the light of confidence coming back into my solar plexus (stomach area), the center of personal power. I see confidence as a light coming back into me from him. I am not taking his confidence. I am picturing what I sent out to him coming back to me. This helps me sleep at night. It is surprisingly calming.

Spend time with friends and family who love you.

Connection with loved ones is incredibly powerful and healing. It may be difficult to get out of the house and be with friends as you’re healing but it is a powerful thing to hold yourself accountable to do. You can choose to vent to them about what’s happening or spend an evening not talking about it but just enjoying the opportunity to take your mind off of your heart break. It’s like a mini vacation to get you laughing and enjoying life again. It is refreshing and helpful to open up and receive love from those that love you.

Focus on building something meaningful in your life.

You may want to volunteer somewhere to help people in greater need than you. Helping others is a profound service that can help you mend your own heart. You may have your own business, take time to grow it, expand your message, and assist people who can benefit from your wisdom. We all have gifts to share with the world. What is your gift and how can you be of service to others?

Connect with the natural world around you.

Go for walks in your neighborhood and notice the beauty of the trees and flowers around you. Go for walks on the beach or hikes in the mountains. Exercise is refreshing and energizing. Noticing the beauty of the natural world around you is powerful. It creates connection to something larger than yourself and lends a deeper meaning to what you are going through.

Meditate and/or pray.

I think of meditation as focused prayer for the self. It fills you up, creates calmness and peace within and has been shown to heal stress related diseases all on its own. A simple meditation is to close your eyes and simply focus on your breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Do that for twenty minutes and see how calm you feel afterward. Prayer is asking the Universe for help as you navigate your broken heart. I send prayers to the one that betrayed me and his family. I ask my friends and family to send me prayers for mending my broken heart as well. Any good thought coming your way will be greatly appreciated!

Seek help in healing your heart.

A broken heart is an opportunity for growth. The harder it is to overcome, the deeper the lesson you have to learn. I stayed with this person for several months after the betrayal in order to get the lesson. I had the very same one twice in my life and I wasn’t willing to walk away without knowing what I needed to. I got it with one question from a very wise man I met at an event. When I told him trust had been broken, he asked me; “Where did you break trust with yourself?” In an instant I got it.

From day one I did not follow my value system and continued to break self-trust throughout the relationship as I routinely compromised my values, knowing that my presence in his life was hurting his children. It is exactly what I did in the relationship with my ex-husband and why I was getting the lesson all over again. Now, I am building trust with me. It is a profound lesson and path to walk.

Your lesson may be completely different and you may need a skilled practitioner to help you extrapolate it and help you move past it. The point is to seek help in understanding and healing it. I continue to look for someone who can help me with the next level of my development. Don’t give up on you.

Give yourself love and encouragement.

When left alone after a heartbreak, your best asset is yourself. Most people will not sit with themselves and really look within to get the love and encouragement they so greatly need when they need it most. They often have no idea that they can. Hug yourself, caress your arm, hold your own hand and tell yourself how amazing you are and that your heart is healing now. Be there for you. If you want another human being to love and accept you as you are, start by giving yourself the love and encouragement you want to have from others. Remind yourself of your best qualities throughout the day. Write a list and post it. Read it. Add to it and love yourself unconditionally.

Listen to music.

You would think that breakup songs would be the last thing you want to immerse yourself in while you’re going through heartbreak but I find them to be extremely healing. The notes resonate to different parts of the body and bring a sense of partnership through the lyrics written by someone who has been exactly where I am right now. I have been tremendously helped by the songs Gravity and Brave by Sara Bareilles and have released a lot of anger listening to Adele’s Send My Love (To Your New Lover). Music speaks to the soul in a way that nothing else does. Singing and dancing to the songs that make you feel understood is a powerful tool for releasing and healing.

There are so many ways to help you heal your own heart or to help a friend through heartbreak. You will find your own methods and hopefully get a lot of use out of the ones you’ve just read. The most important thing of all is to be gentle and patient with yourself. My mom says it best. Right before I hang up the phone with her, she always, always says these words to me; “Take good care of my baby!” I always tell her; “You know I always do!”.

It is my number one priority and I work at making that happen every day by eating an organic diet, exercising, meditating, drinking plenty of water, doing things I love, sharing with others, spending time with friends, writing, and being the best person I can. Do the same for you and your heart will be feeling much better in no time flat.

Meg Haworth, Ph.D. is a Wellness Coach, Celebrity Chef, Author and Speaker and creator of Get Well Now, a one of a kind coaching program that helps people heal themselves with food and the power of the mind and heart. She also offers food coaching for people who know they need to change their diets for their health but they don’t know how in her program, What Celebrities Eat; Personalized Food Plan for Healthy Weight Maintenance.

Dr. Meg believes we have the ability to heal ourselves with food and the power of the mind and heart.  Schedule a free chat with her to see how she may be able to help you!